Bonding with your children before they reach school age feels natural. But as each child begins kindergarten, it’s easy to shift your focus from connection to the educational aspects of homeschooling. At HomeSchool ThinkTank, we have a saying: Connection Before Curriculum.
I’m Jackie, founder of HomeSchool ThinkTank, and today, I want to share a story that comes straight from my heart. It’s about a time when I got things wrong as a mother. Sharing this isn’t easy, but I think it’s important because what I learned could truly make a difference in your homeschooling journey.
Before I get into what went wrong, let me tell you what I did right.
When Connection Came Naturally
When my kids were little, bonding was simple.
I read to them every day, did arts and crafts, and we spent tons of time playing together.
We would go on fun outings to the park, swimming, museums, or the library.
Our days were filled with learning that came naturally. My kids were constantly absorbing new information through play and exploration.
Video: Connection Before Curriculum
Quick note: This video is older, so the quality isn’t the same as the videos I record today. However, I still share it because it can help other homeschool families.
Starting Kindergarten and Homeschooling
When my oldest turned five, I knew we would homeschool.
I bought curriculum: Isn’t that what good homeschooling parents do?
I thought I needed structured lessons for math and reading. I even started my three-year-old on workbooks to get her in the habit of ‘doing school.’
Slowly, our days became more focused on completing lessons rather than the fun and natural ways of learning we had always enjoyed.
How Focusing on Curriculum Over Connection Affected Us
It wasn’t long before this shift led to frustration, tears, and stress for me and my children. I pushed them to complete lessons they weren’t ready for, like diagramming sentences.
Let me ask you: When was the last time you diagrammed a sentence?
I write almost daily, and I certainly don’t diagram my sentences!
At some point, I realized that my approach to homeschooling was harming my relationship with my children.
A Hard Decision: Enrolling in a Private School
Finally, I faced the fact that homeschooling wasn’t working for my youngest daughter.
It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, but we enrolled her in a private school. Along with that decision, I sought help from a family therapist, and the focus of therapy was on one key element: CONNECTION.
Our therapist’s advice was simple but shocking at the time – he told me not to help my daughter with her homework. If my husband was out of town and she didn’t do it, that was fine.
It took a lot to wrap my mind around this, but he was right. When my daughter was upset and I was stressed, she wasn’t learning.
It was clear that our therapist believed that my relationship with my child was more important than checking off homework assignments.
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Returning to Homeschooling: Connection Comes First
While I had continued homeschooling my oldest child, we hadn’t planned to homeschool our youngest again. However, circumstances at her school led us back to it. This time, I was more cautious.
Through our time in therapy, and with much support from my husband, I had made much progress with our daughter. I was determined to continue improving our relationship.
I developed a mantra—Connection Before Curriculum—and I stopped trying to be the teacher for everything. Where we struggled, I found other ways for my daughter to learn. The goal wasn’t just to complete the curriculum: It was for my children to learn in a way that worked for them and our family.
What I’ve Learned From Our Journey
If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s this: Your connection with your child is more important than any curriculum.
As someone who grew up in the public school system, I had to unlearn a lot. I had to separate ‘schooling’ from ‘education,’ and that’s not easy to do when it’s what you’ve known your whole life.
Homeschooling doesn’t need to look like ‘school at home.’ As homeschooling parents, we educate our children from home but don’t need to replicate a traditional classroom within our home.
The Pitfalls of ‘School at Home’
Many parents start out homeschooling by trying to recreate the public school system at home. I know I did. But in the long run, that doesn’t work for most families. Here’s why:
- School ≠ Education: Schools are set up to manage and teach large groups of kids. Homeschooling is much more flexible.
- Your Home Isn’t a School: While your home is a place of learning, it doesn’t need to be structured like a traditional classroom within the public education system.
- You Don’t Have ‘Teacher’s Assistants‘: As a homeschooling parent, you wear many hats, and your child’s education will reflect that – embrace it. In other words, you don’t have a cafeteria serving meals, a recess teacher, or a custodian. You’re doing it all!
Being Flexible in Your Homeschool Approach
While curriculum can be useful, it’s important to stay flexible. When your child struggles with a concept, be willing to step back or find a different way to approach it. You can always come back to challenging material later. The key is to help your child maintain confidence in themselves, knowing that everyone learns at their own pace.
The Most Important Lesson I’ve Learned
Looking back, I can say I failed when I let the curriculum come between me and my children. But I succeeded when I shifted my focus back to connection and realized that homeschooling is about helping my children learn – not school.
If I can leave you with one piece of advice, it’s this:
Prioritize your connection with your children.
How to Succeed at Homeschooling
If you want to homeschool successfully, I invite you to take my free course: Homeschool With Confidence.
In it, I share the foundational lessons I’ve learned from my own experiences as a homeschooling parent.
You will gain helpful insight to help you succeed in your homeschooling journey.
Click here to learn more about the free course.
Helpful Homeschool Resources
- Best Family Games
- Teach a Child to Read with Children’s Books
- Homeschool Curriculum for Your Kids
- Our Homeschool Philosophy
- About Learning
Podcast Episode: Connection Before Curriculum
Click here to learn more about the HomeSchool ThinkTank Parenting Podcast.
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2018-2024+. HomeSchool ThinkTank, LLC. All Rights Reserved.