Have you watched or listened to our interview with the founder of Dandelion Seeds Positive Parenting?
Learn more about positive parenting techniques with worldschooling mom, Sarah R Moore, on the HomeSchool ThinkTank Parenting Podcast. You can listen to this episode here, on Spotify, iTunes, or nearly anywhere you can listen to podcasts.
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What Is Positive Parenting?
During our interview on the HomeSchool ThinkTank Parenting Podcast, Sarah defined positive parenting in the following way.
“It is basically parenting with the good of the relationship in mind. Positive parenting is not looking for short-term quick fixes. It is not about getting kids to do things. Because all of those things that I mentioned at the beginning of the call are about power and control.
With positive parenting, we know that there is no place for power and control in a healthy relationship. And as I mentioned, this is not about being permissive. This is not about having no boundaries or no guidelines, but this is working alongside our children to create win-win situations. I always say it’s never us against our child. It’s us and our child against the problem we’re trying to solve.”Sarah R Moore. Interview with Jackie Wheeler Wiebe on the HomeSchool ThinkTank Parenting Podcast.
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What Are Other Names For Positive Parenting?
Positive parenting can go by a few different names. Here are some other common terms that are used for this style of parenting.
- Authoritative parenting
- Gentle parenting
- Peaceful parenting
- Attachment parenting
- Positive discipline
- Mindful parenting
- Conscious parenting
Benefits Of Positive Parenting
When you use positive parenting techniques, you’ll experience some of the following benefits.
- Raising kids with joy and fulfillment – theirs and ours.
- Finding positive ways to teach life lessons.
- Ending power struggles.
- Influencing kids’ behavior for the better.
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Positive Parenting & Worldschooling
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Where Did Dandelion Seeds Positive Parenting Come From?
Sarah wanted to raise her child in a way that was based on connection and relationship rather than power and control. In our interview, she shares that the science shows that authoritarian parenting is detrimental to children.
What Is Authoritarian Parenting?
It’s the my way or the highway, you must do what I say because I’m the adult type parenting.
Authoritative, Confident, Positive Parenting
“I wanted to have a relationship with my child where we would actually like each other and we would naturally want to collaborate with each other and cooperate with each other because we’ve got a good relationship. It doesn’t mean we have no boundaries. It doesn’t mean that I’m permissive. It’s not some of the fallacies that people sometimes think of when they think – not authoritarian.
Instead it’s authoritative, confident parenting, but from a place of connection and love.”Sarah R. Moore on the HomeSchool ThinkTank Parenting Podcast.
Positive Parenting Tips
- See The Child. Sarah says, “So, for the child who feels strong-willed, who feels stubborn, you know, a lot of these adjectives that we ascribed to the child who isn’t complying with what we need to do. There is a really helpful short phrase that I encourage parents to keep in mind. ‘See the child.’ See the child means, look at the child’s experience. Put yourself in their shoes. Understand what’s going on for them internally that may or may not have anything to do with the request that you’re making of them.”
- Help Your Child Get Back Into Their Body. In one example that Sarah shared in our interview, if a child is face down and upset on the couch, you might go over and rub her back for a second. This might help her get back into her senses.
- Offer A Hand. With a young child you might offer to hold your child’s hand on the way to where you need your child to go.
- What Does Your Child Need Right Now? It’s about seeing what your child needs, as opposed what you are trying to accomplish. Rather than being egocentric, or self-centered, consider what’s going on for your child.
- Reconnect With Yourself. Find something within yourself, to feel peaceful, to give yourself a good resource, to reconnect with yourself so that you can approach the situation. You can approach the situation in a peaceful manner rather than one coming from control. Go to chapter 12 in the video above or type the words, “High Performance Habits,” in the search bar of this episode to hear a story about “reconnecting with yourself.” This is a simple way to help you break an old habit and create a new habit.
Rewiring Your Brain
Have gotten into the habit of yelling, of controlling, of snapping, or whatever it is that becomes our default wiring?
This is directly related to neuroscience.
To some degree you are not even responsible for it because it is simply the wiring that your brain tells your body and your mouth to do when met with certain situations.
Now, thanks to the brilliant concept of neuroplasticity, we can rewire our brains.
Well, how do we do that?
Developing New Patterns
How do we develop new patterns?
A lot of that is through the mindfulness.
Some people pray about it. Certainly asking for a different path can be really beneficial to some people.
Other people use meditations.
No matter what the greater good is that you connect to, the one tip that will create change in your hard wiring in your brain is to visualize a situation that is typically tricky for you,
Visualize A New Outcome
Visualize the situation over and over with a very specific different outcome.
So if, for example, I’ll use yelling because it’s really common.
If your child does this thing and your response is to yell, it’s your default.
Multiple times a day, picture your child doing that thing that irks you. However, imagine the details of how you are going to respond differently this time. Picture it as if it is a movie of your real life playing in your head.
Your Powerful Imagination
Our imaginations are incredibly powerful.
They are so powerful, in fact, that we can make things true that have never even happened.
When we visualize ourselves not yelling, well, what do we have to do?
Replace it with what we are doing.
Are we deciding that when our child does that thing, are we going to take a moment to sit down on the floor or wherever we are and take a couple of deep breaths?
Our kid might look at us like, why are you sitting on the floor, mama?
Practice What You Want To Do Until It’s Your Reality
Visualize that thing, visualize yourself kneeling down next to your child and rubbing their shoulder gently and saying, “No matter what you do, I want you to know that my love for you is stronger than anything else in this whole entire world.”
Practice whatever resonates with you over and over and over and over again in your head.
That starts to become your reality.
And then here’s the hard part. You have to be brave enough and strong enough to actually break the pattern with your child.
Sometimes something like yelling is our safety. This is how I shut you out because conflict feels unsafe. It feels scary to me.
We have to be brave and strong enough to say, I’m going to choose connection with you. I’m going to follow through on this scenario that I have been visualizing, because I know that that one has a peaceful outcome.
Give Others Time & Build Trust
Now, if it doesn’t work the first time, if our kids expect us to yell, so they respond to us even as if we had, when we didn’t.
Trust that even their rewiring is going to take time. You have to rebuild that trust, rewire that brain, not only for yourself, but also for your child, because they’re expecting a certain response from you.
From that place of inner work, you can heal your entire relationship.
An Example of Positive Parenting
One example Sarah shares in our interview is a common problem. It’s the conundrum of, “How do I get my kid to do this thing?”
Parents often say, “I’ve told him five times, I’ve told him 10 times, I’ve told him a million times go brush his teeth.”
As a parent, you know that your child knows how to brush their teeth. So, the problem isn’t that they don’t know how to do what you’re asking them to do. You wonder, “Why is my child not doing what I ask of them?”
Like adults, children don’t necessarily need to be asked more times. It’s not that your child didn’t hear you the first 20 times that you told them to brush their teeth.
More often, parents need to ask themselves, “Is the approach I am taking to connect to with my child effective?”
Sarah says, “This doesn’t mean we need to get closer, louder, or more verbally or physically violent. It is not about getting more intimidating. It is about, ‘What is my child needing right now? There is something blocking my child from doing this thing.’ In this example about toothbrushing, are they looking for connection? Is she looking for me to keep her company? Are they having trouble transitioning away from the activity that they’re doing?”
Ask yourself, “How can I support my child in a way where we get the teeth brushed?” You’ll want to help your child in a way that doesn’t create anxiety in either of your bodies. We all know that feeling of tension that courses through your body because somebody isn’t doing what we want them to do. That tension might be in your chest or shoulders. It’s really frustrating.
As parents, we can all relate. We’ve all been there. You know, that moment when it is you against your child. That moment when you just want your child to come to the dinner table. You’re tired of asking. But it always comes back to asking yourself questions like the following.
- How am I asking?
- What am I doing that is not connecting with her?
- What does she need right now that will make this transition easier?
The beautiful thing about this is that it’s not just for little kids and toothbrushing. It can be also be for older kids and homework. You can even use this with your teens to come up with an acceptable time to come home in the evening.
Positive parenting is not about telling kids in a louder or in a scarier way. It’s about acknowledging a problem and creating a solution. You could even ask your child, “How are we going to work together to solve this?”
When it comes to problem solving or power struggles, remember it’s you and your child against the problem.
Who Is Sarah R. Moore?
Sarah R. Moore is an internationally published writer, public speaker, certified parenting coach, and the founder of Dandelion Seeds Positive Parenting.
She’s also a worldschooling – homeschooling mama.
You might also enjoy this episode about Worldschooling with Sarah R Moore.
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